My mistake

Recently, we celebrated my twins birthday. During the preparations, my oldest had a particularly bad mood, and the handling of this took a lot out of me and my spouse.

This meant that when my parents arrived, they picked up on this. I also had the onset of a panic attack, and was trying to cope with that, as well as making sure the meat was cooked to much. We had venison, and no one in their right mind want gray venison!

This is when something happened. I did not hear it at the time, so i did not pick upon it, but my mother made some comments to my spouse regarding "Picking up on bad vibes". She believed me and my spouse was was angry at each other or something.

It might be my spouse was annoyed that my anxiety happens at the worst of times, but we did not fight.

Back to the comment. It was on my spouse's mind the rest of the day, and after everyone left, I was made aware of the situation.

And this is where I made the mistake. While my spouse was occupied putting the twins to bed, I made a call to my mother. I just got so angry on my spouses behalf.

I explained that I felt such comments are unacceptable, especially since she knows of my diagnosis and how my spouse handles it when stressed.

Forward a few hours later, my spouse asked me pointedly if I had talked to my mother. Obviously my mother had called to explain her self and say she was sorry.

Of course, in hindsight, what I did was a breach of trust. My spouse confided in me, trying to vent her frustration of a situation that might or might not have been justified, according to them self.

Now, I feel completely rotten, and we are not talking, other then simple phrases describing what needs to be done regarding the children.

And my anxiety grows. I don't know how to make amends. Words are not enough.
How can show them that I have learned from my mistake. And how could they trust me again.

My anxiety is tightly connected to the well being and dynamic of my family life. My mental health needs stability. I feel bad for getting depressed and taking space when I am the one in the wrong. I hate it.