So, who am I?
I am who I am. That's who I am.
I am 39,5 years old. I got Bipolar type II, and for some reason, after many years of everything actually working as it should, at least for 10 of 12 months a year, life decided I needed more challenges. So, now I also got generalized Anxiety disorder as well, with a small unreasonable dosage of health anxiety.
Since 2020, I have spent seven months hospitalized.
So, I got panic attacks due to different anxiety symptoms. I stress out thinking it might be something else, even though I know it is anxiety speaking. This lasts for one to two weeks, gradually being easier to manage as I manage to convince myself that it is not a stroke. Accepting it is key.
Well and good. But a few weeks after that, I got a new panic attack, since the symptoms of the anxiety suddenly have moved to another part of my body.
This triggers another two weeks.
My Anxiety is triggered by stress, but not always. It is worse when I am depressed, but not always. It increases when I got mood spikes, but not always.
But, back to who I am.
I am not really sure who I am. That's what I am trying to find out. Who am I at my core? My life consists of going to work, driving kids to practice and trying to help at home before going to bed. And repeat.
I am 39,5 years old diagnosed with bipolar 2 and anxiety disorder. I got 4 children 1 spouse. I am lucky, and work 100%, even during depressions and hypomanic episodes.
My hobbies includes singing, playing piano, guitar and other instruments, as well as creating music. I write novels/web serials under penname is Sinder Penrose. I read or listen to roughly 150 books each year. And I game from time to time. Currently waiting for Star Citizen.
I am caring, but don't have energy enough when it matters.
I am smart, but never finished any degrees.
The last few years, I've become my illness, instead of having it. My main goal now is to adapt and to find out who I am underneath my diagnosis. To figure out what it is to be me. To be able to proudly state "Its Who I Am".
